Becoming Bold, LLC

It’s natural to experience conflict at some points in our lives; we are human, after all, and we don’t all agree on all the things! Avoiding conflict generally leads to resentment and you’ll notice the issue popping up again and again until it’s finally discussed and resolved.

If you struggle with navigating conflict and you’d love to find harmony in challenging times, I have some ideas for you 🙂

Understanding the Root Cause: Often, it’s not the surface-level argument but deeper, unresolved concerns. We tend to tell ourselves stories about what others are intending, but we aren’t mind readers! One way to identify the root cause is to slow down and ask yourself what you’re making this situation mean. Before jumping to conclusions, seek to understand yourself and the other person you’re having a conflict with.

Active Listening: Active listening fosters empathy and can de-escalate tensions. Instead of listening to respond, try listening with intention – actually HEAR and try to feel/understand what the other person is saying.

Staying Calm and Composed: Let’s talk about some techniques for managing emotions and maintaining composure during heated discussions. Deep breathing, taking breaks, and self-reflection are critical to navigating conflict. Oftentimes conflict happens because we feel someone has violated our values, and our emotions take over our ability to think clearly. The concept of “counting to 10” before you respond actually works!! It neutralizes the fight/flight chemicals in our brains and gives us an opportunity to think more clearly.

Finding Common Ground: There are loads of benefits to focusing on shared goals and values to bridge differences and work towards a mutually beneficial solution. Many times we are all striving toward a similar result or solution, or way of being and aren’t that different at all. Really try hard to find similarities in your values and interests. I promise you’ll find something and it will allow you to see that person as a human being again instead of an enemy.

Effective Communication Skills: Do you consider yourself a great communicator? Most people ask for help in this area, so let’s talk about the role of clear, assertive, yet respectful communication. Avoiding blame and using “I” statements can help express feelings without escalating conflict. As soon as the tone of the conversation becomes accusatory, people raise their defenses and things get heated. Giving people the benefit of the doubt by using “I” statements like this help keep things smooth and easier to navigate: “I’m having a reaction to what you just said and I don’t think you meant it the way I’m perceiving it. Could you please clarify that for me?” This isn’t always easy to do, so practice with a trusted friend to help make it more natural for you.

Seeking Compromise: It’s important that we’re being open to compromise and finding solutions that consider everyone’s needs and concerns. When it’s possible, look for solutions that truly benefit all involved. Not all issues require a win/lose, so pick and choose your battles and bring in some compromise when you can – or do you just like battles? 😉

Setting Boundaries: I absolutely love the podcast by Terri Cole, called The Terri Cole Show – you can find it on Apple Podcasts. She is the author of The Boundary Boss and is the queen of helping you figure out how to set and uphold boundaries. Establishing and respecting boundaries to prevent conflicts from becoming personal attacks is SO IMPORTANT. You can work on this prevention technique by setting rules of engagement with the other person – make an agreement that perhaps you’ll call a timeout if one of you oversteps a boundary. Setting a boundary involves being clear about what behaviors, actions, or situations are acceptable to you, and communicating these limits to others. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, or social, and they serve as a framework to ensure that interactions with others are respectful and supportive. The key to effective boundaries is clear communication and consistency in maintaining them, which helps in nurturing mutual respect and understanding in relationships.

The Role of Mediation: If the conflict keeps happening, or if you don’t feel like anything will ever get solved with the other person, consider involving a neutral third party to help mediate conflicts, especially when they become too difficult to handle independently. Someone with a neutral perspective that both parties trust can be the bridge to finding harmony in challenging times.

Learning from Conflict: Conflicts can be opportunities for growth and learning, both individually and within teams. Conflict will tell you a LOT about yourself, your triggers, and your reactions; it’s not always about the other person! Sometimes it’s about YOU, and this is where the learning comes in, if you actually make the time to figure yourself out. There’s more to conflict, typically, than someone just being an @$$hole. Conflict is often a signal of many years of conditioning, internal belief systems, and sometimes trauma or abuse. Be open to learning more about that person you tend to have conflict with – you never know what someone else has gone through or is going through. Seek to understand other humans!

Building Resilience: Oof! Let’s dive in to building personal and team resilience, and enabling better handling of future conflicts. Encourage a culture of transparency where friends, acquaintances, family and/or team members feel safe to express their thoughts, concerns, and ideas without fear of judgment. This builds trust and enables quicker problem-solving. Build an atmosphere where team members and others in your life support each other both professionally and personally. Recognize achievements, offer help when needed, and show empathy during tough times. Building resilience is NOT an overnight thing. It’s built over time as trust is built and people have psychological safety when they’re around you.

Interested in Learning More?

By implementing these strategies, you can build resilient relationships and teams that can handle stress and adversity with strength and unity. Ready to lead yourself and/or your team toward greater resilience? Click Here to Request a Free Consultation with Becoming Bold!